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Yard Sales Keep the Economy Going – Humor

by Melvin Durai

The president and others are trying to take credit for the healthy economy, knowing full well that the economy wouldn’t be this strong if it weren’t for yard sales.

Yard sales help to circulate money and dusty junk.

Many people can’t drive past a yard sale sign without stopping. The sign might as well say, “Free ice cream.”

They’re eager to see if they can find the perfect item for their home among someone else’s junk. Some park their cars at the side of the road; others window shop while driving past. This is the only time they obey the speed limit.

But who can blame them? You never know what you might find at a yard sale: a microwave, a color television, a used toilet seat.

One summer, my sister wanted to sell a used toilet seat at her yard sale. I thought her children had finally driven her nuts.

It was one of those padded seats, the kind that you sink into, the kind that puts your legs to sleep. I don’t know why someone would buy a new one, let alone a used one.

But someone actually bought it. They snapped it right up. Didn’t even ask us who sat on it.

I’d want to know.

But then, I’d want to know a lot of things about yard-sale items. Before people can sell their stuff, they ought to file a disclosure statement that answers these questions: In which century did you buy it?

Was it ever used by the dog? How many people wore it, sat on it or ate from it?

If it’s a seventh-hand blanket, I don’t want it. Call me picky; just don’t call me icky. Yard sales are an easy way to sell stuff. No huge advertising bill. No zoning restrictions. No tax … ing work.

Some people are always selling stuff. They’re professional yard-sellers. They make enough money on weekends to take the rest of the week off.

These are the people who are selling all kinds of fitness equipment, but look like they’ve never had a minute of exercise in their lives. Aside from dragging their junk from the garage.

These are the people who have a safe for their money, just in case some desperate robber decides to hold up a yard sale.These are the people who never run out of merchandise, because they keep stocking

their garage with stuff from other yard sales.

The most popular type of yard sale is the MULTI-FAMILY yard sale. The mother of all yard sales. With the father’s stuff being sold.

A MULTI-FAMILY yard sale is the only time some neighbors talk to each other. They finally have something in common: a lot of junk.

Whether big or small, yard sales give people a taste of what it’s like to start a business and be a boss. At a typical yard sale, the wife and husband fill the respective roles of boss and stock boy.

The husband is the stock boy because he’s more familiar with the stock: items he bought years ago and was hoping to leave in his will. But the boss has decided that neither she nor any of his other relatives would want to be stuck with a collection of old Playboys.

And his assortment of rusty wrenches are no better than those busty wenches. Same for his dog-eared novels and dog-chewed slippers.

But such items may be scooped up in an instant at a yard sale. Especially if the buyer has been out in the sun too long.

Yes, it pays to have yard sales in the summer.

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